I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
