the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
