she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
