why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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