watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
