I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
