Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
