new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
