I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is Oprah even human
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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