So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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