She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
