My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your penis caused this!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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