Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
