last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
