I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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