So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
