if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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