Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
