She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
