I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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