I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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