I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
