I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
