There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
