i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
