these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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