I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
