Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
