Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
