And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
