Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
