I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
