I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
