The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
