Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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