so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
