exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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