Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
