i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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