It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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