i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
