Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
