So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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