This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
