if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
