You're my little dorito
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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