yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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