we made out on top of his cat.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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