As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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