I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
