Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
