I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
