cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
