So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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